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This year marks a full decade since the word “ghosting” hit the mainstream. Back then, the notion that someone could suddenly stop communication with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the peak of indignity. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a mate has only become more perplexing – an frequently unsuccessful exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by social media lingo.

Generation Z, a generation who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a coordinated attack on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their Gen Y elders could ever imagine. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a detailed glossary to the words Zoomers is using to discuss love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most viral online sayings, by the end of this glossary you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – In the view of Zoomers, romance's gold standard is presenting as your true, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reaction is inquisitive or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while radiating mystery and independence. (She might still have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This refers to seeking out someone who supports you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A date where two people bond while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do budget-friendly romance in a inflation-era world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a crush or split, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie affluence, it refers to couples who opt out of parenthood to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of acting aloof: embracing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Warning signs – Behavioral traits signaling a prospective partner is bad news. For instance calling their exes crazy, bad tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits validate your choice to date a partner. For instance following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, largely harmless idiosyncrasies. Such as being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same things or people that you do (nothing creates intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A trend describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no aspirations of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Arbitrary and frequently trivial dealbreakers that immediately extinguish any feelings of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely romantic act.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be limited since some Zoomers want fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {